Dear Kathy & Mike

Recent events with Sue’s mother have reminded me of my mortality and the feeling that I would like express a few things to you before I check out of this world.

I am no great philosopher or intellectual but I have made a few observations about life which I am about to pass onto you.

Death-If you look at both the plant and animal kingdom you will see that all living things have a beginning and end. A time to be born and a time to die; man is no different. As life ends for some it begins for others and the beat goes on. My personal view is that something as intricate and miraculous as life had to have some thought and planning behind it. Be it God, Jehovah, the Great Spirit or some other name given by man to explain it all.  I expect and hope that I will be missed by you and others and that a respectful amount of mourning will occur. However, the mourning should be short lived and not because I have died but because you will miss having me around. I mourned my mother and father’s death but with time the pain of that separation ended and the memories fade and become infrequent but do not disappear. As they say, “Life goes on.”

Being a parent- The most important thing you will ever do is to create another life. It is a responsibility that is often taken lightly. Unfortunately none of us come equipped with the knowledge and ability to be a parent. However, with love and understanding you can be a great parent. You just have to unlearn some of the bad parenting that you got from your mother and me. 

Life is not about getting and accumulating things. Life is about people and your interactions with them.

Happiness- Happiness is not like climbing a mountain in that once you reach the top you are there forever. Happiness is a series of fleeting times in your life. Enjoy the moments and cherish them but don’t be surprised or disappointed that you are not continuously happy.

I’ve had a good life and my only concern in passing on is that I won’t live long enough to see you well established in your life.

I tried to come up with something to say about you, Kathy. My thoughts are scattered all over the place like puzzle pieces that are slowly being revealed in an order that forms a clear picture.

I don’t know what to say, or how to convey in words how I truly feel. I feel sadness, emptiness, sorrow and anger. I feel blessed, and relied. My body aches, my heart and mind are tired and sore. Yet all of these various range of emotions still don’t express my loss.  I suppose some things are not meant to be expressed by words which are limiting but rather in flashes of images, sights, and sounds.

Who was Kathy? First, we know the most obvious things. She was a mother, my sister, a daughter, a wife, and a friend. Although she was all of these labels, they do not truly describe her soul.

Kathy was outgoing, extroverted, and a social butterfly from an early age. She lived and loved to be around people. That never changed as she grew up.

She lived a life that was full and never dull.

Kathy loved being with her kids. Tori, Madi, and Zack were her priority. She gave everything to make sure they had an exceptional quality of life. I do not mean material possessions. She was at every sporting event, she was at every DR appointment, and she was at every school function. She was fully involved with their growth and development.  She showed love through her actions more than words. She gave every emotion, and ounce of love to ensure the kids were always learning in school, developing skills with cheerleading and strengthening their spirit at church.

We each have overwhelming sorrow and sadness for all that we lost, and yet thankful to receive so much joy and happiness Kathy brought into our lives. She was not selfish with her time, her love or money; she gave it all to us. She made the sacrifice as a parent to put Tori, Madi, Zack first in order to give them the most precious gift of time. Kathy taught them, Kathy raised them, Kathy protected them.

I would like to read a letter my father wrote to me and Kathy before he died. Although she has never read the letter, I believe it would have brought her great comfort as it did so for me.

In my own reading of the letter again after all these years, I still find comfort in his words. My dad loved Kathy dearly. That chain of love was passed down through her ability to share love with those around her. Her children are the ultimate expression of this love.

(Read Dad's Letter)

My father would have been proud to see how much Kathy was able to give back to this world. Interestingly, even though she had never read our Dad’s advice. She “got it”.

Kathy left footprints in our souls.

Kathy’s impact left on this world will ripple across every person she came in contact with and through her children we will never forget. When it was all said and done; in the end she will be remembered by the love expressed in her deeds towards others. It was not her high heels, although she loved them, it was not material possessions that drew people toward her. It was not that she had a job which was of fame and fortune. Kathy’s mark left will be one of love. She took the love she had and stuck it into other people’s hearts.

I challenge you in your own life to give; love and time, devotion, and care of another human being. In the end all we really have is each other, the bonds that we share and the love we pass onto each other.

Kathy didn’t care about material possessions, how much money she made, and what she could acquire. It was about friendships, the relationship between mother and daughter, and the dynamics between brother and sister who loved miles apart, but were always connected by a common theme... love

I love you Kathy. Your Mom loves you, your kids love you, your aunt, uncle, cousins, and your friends love you. And this is why God loves you.

No one will ever replace you as a Mother, a daughter, a sister, or as a friend.