A lot of my blog posts that I will be uploading were written long ago before adding them to this website. They will be sorted by the date they were originally created.

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I recently uploaded a new blog. I wrote a school paper titled "Christian Worldview" on April 20, 2006. Type, Christian Worldview in the top right search box to find the new post.

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I seek the depth, beneath the surface levels of life. I try to look beyond the here and now for answers. Nietzsche believed in a “how” and “why” level to life. On the “how” level, people are capable of
living with almost any external condition. On the “why” level there is a search for an adequate “why” which gives life meaning. Without an adequate “why”, a person cannot really live.

I realize that this meaning is not a onetime event. Rather, it is ongoing, over the course of a lifetime. Socrates insisted that "the unexamined life is not worth living" I believe that is true. I have examined, reflected, and had many hours of introspection. My need for explanations has challenged me to seek out the truth. Truth is absolute. 
 
I believe in a Christian theistic worldview because it is factual, spiritually fulfilling and feels like the right path for me. Ultimately it is my choice of what I believe and how I should worship. Through years of investigation, study, and guidance from God I came to this conclusion. Only that to discover that there are numerous denominations and differences that further divide my attention. My hope for the future is that I come to a
decision on which group I shall focus my attention on. For example, I am considering Eastern Orthodoxy, Catholicism, and Methodism. It is strange since I was raised in a Baptist family; however, I have always been driven by the “why”. You may say why should I waste further time narrowing in when at the core it is God. He is whom I focus my attention towards anyway. If I don’t do this, I fear that I may slip away from
my connection, as I already have lost some sight of who I am. I spent too much valuable time always from God searching in the wrong directions that I will never get back. Each division has things I enjoy and know to be true, but they also have thorns. I must separate the dogma from the truth. I do this to make a clear path for which I can fun full steam ahead with my arms opened outward. I want and need more from my spiritual life. I have been left hungry and starving for more. My step-mother is supportive yet saddened that I may no longer attend the Methodist church. The messages I receive from them have been warm and open. I feel comfortable in my worship whereas the Catholic Church has treated me with distain. I cannot stand their religious arrogance that they have towards Protestants, and yet I appreciate the sanctity of the church. Their worship is
held in high regards to my beliefs. In 1997 I lived in the Republic of Panama. During that time I studied every day with a nun from the Catholic Church. It was a wonderful experience to have that one on one connection that no other religious leader has offered me. She displayed such kindness and willingness to answer all of my questions. I was truly ready to convert and lay my commitment down. For a reason I do not understand fully, you can become Catholic overseas instantly whereas in the states you must go through a year of Catechism classes. Once I came back to Tennessee I felt differently about this choice. Starting Catechism classes over
again had played a small part of my hesitancy to convert. The other factor is, that I lost the feeling that I was learning and filling up my spiritual cup. I was also being pressured heavily to convert by my then wife. Her family was devout Catholic and lived in the Hispanic culture. The sermons were boring and irrelevant. The Methodist church quickly filled that void. They use a variety of technological ways to deliver the message of God. The preacher always had a way to relate the message so that I understood. It was usually told in a story about him and my dad fishing. So how do I regulate the need for insight and learning between strict biblical lessons which can be difficult to apply? I suppose I need that motivational speech and pep talk to gear me up for the week ahead in a way that’s relevant in today’s world. I am setting a deadline for June to decide. I believe that my spiritual development is at stake. I want to live a life where God is a higher priority and my fellowman’s welfare is in my actions, so they can be served to a greater capacity. In fact, once I graduate for Aspire I want to move to another country to completely fulfill this goal. I am even going to the Ukraine in May to learn more about the Peace Corps mission over there and to experience the culture firsthand.

My Christian worldview beliefs shaped a small part of my current decision to get into the IT career that I am in now. I enjoy helping people and love technology, so it seemed like a natural blending of the two areas. As time
has passed however, began wondering if I chose wisely. My decisions rarely affect people in a positive way. This Theistic worldview doesn’t affect my coworkers at all and my influence is limited. For me example I spend all day long solving problems. I fix a failed windows application, fix a failed network that has gone down, and pamper the mayor’s office. I get no appreciation for what I do other than my own satisfaction of solving a problem.

My Christian worldview hasn’t changed being around people from different faiths. I do not have much interaction with people from different faiths. That is not by choice but rather because I do not know many people who aren’t of a Christian worldview. Plus I work two jobs and attend school so the opportunity to meet new people is limited. The only knowledge I have of other faiths is from reading, classroom knowledge and attending a few religious events around town. Most of the experiences I have are around Christians and those
haven’t been largely positive. Despite that, I do consider myself a Christian even if I am a little misguided and naïve at times.

My Christian worldview has gone through a transformation. Thus the urgency to find a place I can call home within the church. A couple of years ago my world turned upside down. It was the most difficult time in my life that I never thought would occur. It is the kind of disasters that you see happen in movies. First, my father died. I was very close to him. He was very influential in raising me up as a young boy. I lost my best friend in the whole world. The pain was unimaginable. I feel awkward talking about it to anyone since the pain is alive within me today. Well, within months of his death my wife walked out on me with my best friend. So I lost another two people I loved dearly. Then I was passed up for a promotion at work that had already been promised to me. My boss said that I was too emotional and not ready. And lastly my dog died from bone
cancer. Rewind a country song and you will hear my story told. What do you have left when you lose it all? I had lost everyone that I loved. During this time my mother-in-law told me I caused the marriage to fail because I didn’t have God in my life. That statement hurt at my core and caused more internalization of all that I had done. I never once accused God of causing this pain and suffering. I never once blamed God and asked why. I did however question what my personal relationship was really like with him. I came to the conclusion that now more than ever I needed his salvation. I felt this way because not once did I give up hope that my life would turn around and I could survive the painful ordeal. Hope was all that I had left. Hope was his salvation that rescued me from going over the edge. I did in fact have God in my life because of hope. It was my life
preserver in the stormy ocean. It is still difficult and sometimes painful to think of what good can come of this mess. The hope from God has led me to pursue him further and to make him a priority. My worldview has gone through dramatic changes. I feel like the “why” should I be a Christian was answered. The only “why”
left is to be answered is why it took me so long to see this. Now that I see the Truth what will I do about it from this point forward? If God can give me hope when it is my responsibility to give that hope to others as long as I am on this Earth. These are my Christian Worldview beliefs.