I have consistently seen this effect in my life and of those around me as well.
This explains a lot why some people refuse to let go of their negative relationships.
One of the hardest tasks that people often have to handle is to get out of and let go of old relationships. They often make this harder for themselves than it need be, by thinking they have to be responsible for the other person they are breaking up with, rather than responsible for just themselves.
They may realize they need to let go of the relationship, because it is over, or because it is unhealthy for them. But, by not being able to close the door, they often end up still being partly, or even completely, hooked or trapped into that old relationship.
“Closing a door on an option is experienced as a loss, and people are willing to pay a price to avoid the emotion of loss,” Dr. Ariely says.
You harbor illusions of what the relationship was versus the reality. The familiarity of the old relationship moves you to stick around.
Yet, I ponder. Where do you draw the line of giving yourself and others second chances?
When can you finally say that you had enough and you need to leave? If one open door has ex lovers that are still actively involved in your life then how will you be ready for a new love? If you can’t take the time to develop a relationship that is deep and nourishing because of too may doors open then how can you offer commitment? A relationship where the same person always maintains open doors won’t be successful.
It's not possible to have an intimate relationship with someone while at the same time trying to completely detach yourself emotionally from them in order to not get hurt.
There is a price you pay for not closing doors. New relationships don’t flourish, emotional turmoil is constant, and spiritual growth is halted. The worst part of all you don’t get to truly know and like someone for who they are.
Do people ever really change? The idea that human beings cannot change is terrifying to me. It is also frustrating to know you can’t help someone change that isn’t ready.
As much as I fear of being alone in my life; that fear is overshadowed by others who will do anything at all costs to temporarily ease their loneliness. No one is alone forever. There are some benefits to closing doors.